I love you so much. You’re incredibly strong and I know you worked hard for that resilience. I’m grateful every day to be able to wake up next to you and walk this journey together. You’re never alone. You see me, I see you and even in our flaws, there is love. Thank you for also helping me grow and healing the parts of me I’ve kept hidden🖤
Dude, you seriously have to make me feel An Emotion on a random Tuesday? But, yeah, you said a lot here that hits home. Also, I'm so happy for you, and proud of you for being able to share like this.
Out of all the things you've ever said, I've never related to anything as hard as this. I've also recently had to face the true version of myself and am in the process of that painful growth, and you're right, it sucks. But god is it so necessary and there are times where you sit back and feel proud that you've gotten here, no longer stuck inside the person you were.
I'm very happy you've started this journey of finding yourself, setting these boundaries, and enjoying such a healthy relationship. It's so crucial to have that special person in your life that can be that guide for you, in a way. More so guiding each other, side by side, rather than chasing each other down - if that makes sense.
Proud of you for getting all this out dude, and for your personal growth. My best wishes to you both for many more happy, healthy years <3
This so well written. My husband & I have been together over 20 yrs, since high school. We have been lucky enough to have this kind of relationship but it has definitely been tricky to navigate all the changes over the years. To have someone who does call you out when needed. It's necessary, but humbling of course. But I'm so glad we've been able to stick the course & grow together. I'm very happy to hear you've found someone who is so healthy for you. You seem to be in a great place now. It shows in the writing.
First of all I appreciate you being open to discuss about these things, as most people tend to shy away from those 'not-so-pretty' sides of themselves and this is then making one's life even more difficult [especially when it comes to relationships of all kinds].
It's been said that the others might be a reflection of ourselves, to some degree. And it might be true. As one who came from a similar background as you described and not being in tune with my emotions, it became really difficult to deal with things as time went by.
In psychology, the process of looking to your own flaws, admitting they are part of you and then integrating them - it's called shadow work. And it is a theme I am writing a lot about, because for me it's one of the power sources that helped me transform into who I am today.
Indeed, it is never easy, but it is worthing.
So, keep up the good work - your past self and your future self will thank you for that.
This post is very much like Gesthemane by Sleep Token. And I 100% relate to your childhood. I, too, had my feelings invalidated and that has played a huge roll in my future relationships which I am just now realizing.
Congrats on finding a healthy relationship. You had to go through a lot of personal growth to get there. 😊
I simply would just like to say thank you Ricky. It's my first time commenting on here that I can recall although I read all that you write and send out. Anyways, you've made me really think on this one. Im going through something similar and I recently remarried and its nice to read that im not alone trying to learn and find myself again. I was married previously for 18 years and I feel like I am a totally different person today still trying figure out who I am. So thank you so much.
It's really cool of you to share this, I have the same issues with communicating how I feel so it's nice to know I'm not alone. I've been going to therapy for years and it's definitely been uncomfy to figure out how I need to be accountable for my flaws, but my life has improved a lot now that I've been working on it. I'm also happy you're in a relationship where you can safely explore all this, my husband has very different flaws from me so I can tell he doesn't always get the things I'm struggling with but he's been really happy with my progress. I wish you luck as you continue on this journey, thanks again for sharing this part of you with us
Thank you Ricky for writing such a personal piece. When I showed emotions at a young age, I was told not to be dramatic or tiresome and this has really irked me all my life! It has taken me years to come to terms with my quirks and flaws, but I am still on that quest to meet someone who meets me halfway! I am so happy for you and Alex and wish you both all the very best for your adventures in life together. Take care 💜
I found myself nodding along with this post. It's really hard to recognize our flaws and even after we've seen them it's hard work to fix them. I am by no means perfect and there are issues that I struggle with but I'm trying. I'm really, really glad you've found a healthy relationship and it's helping you be the best you. I'll cheer you both on from over here.
You know , if you'd ever write an autobiography i'm 100% sure people would read it and connect with it. This topic only? How our parents have a grip on us even when we've left their house , we aren't under their roof anymore. I just read the comment section, and i never realized how many people are that have this baggage with them everyday, 'cause something still isn't "fixed" inside them (or most of the time they don't even realize it - sadly a lot of my friends are in relationships that i don't think are healthy - and yes kids are already involved ) .
And i think our parents should have tought us how to regulate our emotions (which they didn't , let's be honest, none of our parents did that) , instead they just yelled or started drinking or became agressive 'cause they weren't tought either how on earth should they deal with their own feelings. (Which is weird 'cause i want to blame my father too, for the drinking, the violence - and at the end he committed suic*de , but i knew that no one ever talked to him about his emotions, and maybe that's where is the problem. I don't know. )
And even with that kind of a family growing up there is a hope for a happy life. I always said i'm never gonna get married and i won't have kids. Because of how i grew up. BUT here i am , happily married, with a daughter who will never have to heal from us, cause me and my husband would never traumatize her.
And YES all it takes is one person, whos presence changes everything. (In my case)
I think one of the hardest parts is once the curtain comes down, I can't deny the truth. Even if I re-hang the curtain, I know what's there. It's ugly, disorienting, and takes tremendous courage to start. But, as you said, unconditional love can help to begin to see and understand how to heal. Really proud of you, Ricky. May you continue to learn and heal—you deserve the world. 🤍
Hey, Boss Man, congratulations! Journeys to see the real you and be brutally honest with yourself are always going to be painful, a lot of people won’t see or like it, and you’ll have a lot of things to work on, but the important part is you’ve started doing that, and that’s amazing! I know how you feel, making do with being quiet because you think it’s the path of least resistance and you were raised to not be a bother. I’m still fairly young now, but I was the same way when I was a kiddo, I just realized it a lot sooner than most, which can be its own challenge. My mind is older than me most of the time, ha. It’s okay to want to soothe and tend to your inner child, but we have to find a way to make it work so we don’t demand too much all at once and we also don’t suffer in silence and scream into the void because we’ve fallen back on old habits. I’m sorry you had those experiences so young for so long, but they shape who we become, and we can further refine ourselves and who we want to be by working through it. I’d say you’re well on your way to that now. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction.
I know I’ve made a bit of spectacle in the past talking about being brutally honest, but it’s the only way to live, at least for me. Some people won’t be able to handle that kind of honesty or be able to talk about those difficult, heavy things with you as you continue on this path, but all you need are some good, solid people to have your back and walk beside as you take more steps. Like you said, it’s hard to hold a mirror up to ourselves and work on shining light in those dark places, but it’s good for us and something we need to do if we want to change and grow. I know it’s been a rough go, and getting over a bad childhood that emotionally stunts you is no easy feat, but here you are “killing the dragon,” as Ronnie Dio liked to put it.
I am so glad you met Alex and she’s been able to open up this door for you. Both of you should be very proud. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s well worth it, and you’ve got an amazing person to hold your hand and support you through it. If anyone can do it, it’s you. I’m very happy for you guys and I wish you the best in your healing journey together. Thanks for trusting us with your feelings even though it’s like climbing Everest. We’re right there with you. Own your shit. You’ve got this! 😊🤘🧡
I love you so much. You’re incredibly strong and I know you worked hard for that resilience. I’m grateful every day to be able to wake up next to you and walk this journey together. You’re never alone. You see me, I see you and even in our flaws, there is love. Thank you for also helping me grow and healing the parts of me I’ve kept hidden🖤
Dude, you seriously have to make me feel An Emotion on a random Tuesday? But, yeah, you said a lot here that hits home. Also, I'm so happy for you, and proud of you for being able to share like this.
Out of all the things you've ever said, I've never related to anything as hard as this. I've also recently had to face the true version of myself and am in the process of that painful growth, and you're right, it sucks. But god is it so necessary and there are times where you sit back and feel proud that you've gotten here, no longer stuck inside the person you were.
I'm very happy you've started this journey of finding yourself, setting these boundaries, and enjoying such a healthy relationship. It's so crucial to have that special person in your life that can be that guide for you, in a way. More so guiding each other, side by side, rather than chasing each other down - if that makes sense.
Proud of you for getting all this out dude, and for your personal growth. My best wishes to you both for many more happy, healthy years <3
This so well written. My husband & I have been together over 20 yrs, since high school. We have been lucky enough to have this kind of relationship but it has definitely been tricky to navigate all the changes over the years. To have someone who does call you out when needed. It's necessary, but humbling of course. But I'm so glad we've been able to stick the course & grow together. I'm very happy to hear you've found someone who is so healthy for you. You seem to be in a great place now. It shows in the writing.
Hey there pain eater, don't let healing swallow you whole instead. (A warning from the bottom of my own pit of BS.)
Your broken record here to tell you once again; I'm so fucking proud of you.
First of all I appreciate you being open to discuss about these things, as most people tend to shy away from those 'not-so-pretty' sides of themselves and this is then making one's life even more difficult [especially when it comes to relationships of all kinds].
It's been said that the others might be a reflection of ourselves, to some degree. And it might be true. As one who came from a similar background as you described and not being in tune with my emotions, it became really difficult to deal with things as time went by.
In psychology, the process of looking to your own flaws, admitting they are part of you and then integrating them - it's called shadow work. And it is a theme I am writing a lot about, because for me it's one of the power sources that helped me transform into who I am today.
Indeed, it is never easy, but it is worthing.
So, keep up the good work - your past self and your future self will thank you for that.
This post is very much like Gesthemane by Sleep Token. And I 100% relate to your childhood. I, too, had my feelings invalidated and that has played a huge roll in my future relationships which I am just now realizing.
Congrats on finding a healthy relationship. You had to go through a lot of personal growth to get there. 😊
I simply would just like to say thank you Ricky. It's my first time commenting on here that I can recall although I read all that you write and send out. Anyways, you've made me really think on this one. Im going through something similar and I recently remarried and its nice to read that im not alone trying to learn and find myself again. I was married previously for 18 years and I feel like I am a totally different person today still trying figure out who I am. So thank you so much.
It's really cool of you to share this, I have the same issues with communicating how I feel so it's nice to know I'm not alone. I've been going to therapy for years and it's definitely been uncomfy to figure out how I need to be accountable for my flaws, but my life has improved a lot now that I've been working on it. I'm also happy you're in a relationship where you can safely explore all this, my husband has very different flaws from me so I can tell he doesn't always get the things I'm struggling with but he's been really happy with my progress. I wish you luck as you continue on this journey, thanks again for sharing this part of you with us
Thank you Ricky for writing such a personal piece. When I showed emotions at a young age, I was told not to be dramatic or tiresome and this has really irked me all my life! It has taken me years to come to terms with my quirks and flaws, but I am still on that quest to meet someone who meets me halfway! I am so happy for you and Alex and wish you both all the very best for your adventures in life together. Take care 💜
I found myself nodding along with this post. It's really hard to recognize our flaws and even after we've seen them it's hard work to fix them. I am by no means perfect and there are issues that I struggle with but I'm trying. I'm really, really glad you've found a healthy relationship and it's helping you be the best you. I'll cheer you both on from over here.
Honestly, this hit home. You've got a way with words, keep up the good work! + really happy for you two ♡
You know , if you'd ever write an autobiography i'm 100% sure people would read it and connect with it. This topic only? How our parents have a grip on us even when we've left their house , we aren't under their roof anymore. I just read the comment section, and i never realized how many people are that have this baggage with them everyday, 'cause something still isn't "fixed" inside them (or most of the time they don't even realize it - sadly a lot of my friends are in relationships that i don't think are healthy - and yes kids are already involved ) .
And i think our parents should have tought us how to regulate our emotions (which they didn't , let's be honest, none of our parents did that) , instead they just yelled or started drinking or became agressive 'cause they weren't tought either how on earth should they deal with their own feelings. (Which is weird 'cause i want to blame my father too, for the drinking, the violence - and at the end he committed suic*de , but i knew that no one ever talked to him about his emotions, and maybe that's where is the problem. I don't know. )
And even with that kind of a family growing up there is a hope for a happy life. I always said i'm never gonna get married and i won't have kids. Because of how i grew up. BUT here i am , happily married, with a daughter who will never have to heal from us, cause me and my husband would never traumatize her.
And YES all it takes is one person, whos presence changes everything. (In my case)
Thank you Ricky for it also made me realize I also had a similar childhood
I think one of the hardest parts is once the curtain comes down, I can't deny the truth. Even if I re-hang the curtain, I know what's there. It's ugly, disorienting, and takes tremendous courage to start. But, as you said, unconditional love can help to begin to see and understand how to heal. Really proud of you, Ricky. May you continue to learn and heal—you deserve the world. 🤍
Hey, Boss Man, congratulations! Journeys to see the real you and be brutally honest with yourself are always going to be painful, a lot of people won’t see or like it, and you’ll have a lot of things to work on, but the important part is you’ve started doing that, and that’s amazing! I know how you feel, making do with being quiet because you think it’s the path of least resistance and you were raised to not be a bother. I’m still fairly young now, but I was the same way when I was a kiddo, I just realized it a lot sooner than most, which can be its own challenge. My mind is older than me most of the time, ha. It’s okay to want to soothe and tend to your inner child, but we have to find a way to make it work so we don’t demand too much all at once and we also don’t suffer in silence and scream into the void because we’ve fallen back on old habits. I’m sorry you had those experiences so young for so long, but they shape who we become, and we can further refine ourselves and who we want to be by working through it. I’d say you’re well on your way to that now. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction.
I know I’ve made a bit of spectacle in the past talking about being brutally honest, but it’s the only way to live, at least for me. Some people won’t be able to handle that kind of honesty or be able to talk about those difficult, heavy things with you as you continue on this path, but all you need are some good, solid people to have your back and walk beside as you take more steps. Like you said, it’s hard to hold a mirror up to ourselves and work on shining light in those dark places, but it’s good for us and something we need to do if we want to change and grow. I know it’s been a rough go, and getting over a bad childhood that emotionally stunts you is no easy feat, but here you are “killing the dragon,” as Ronnie Dio liked to put it.
I am so glad you met Alex and she’s been able to open up this door for you. Both of you should be very proud. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s well worth it, and you’ve got an amazing person to hold your hand and support you through it. If anyone can do it, it’s you. I’m very happy for you guys and I wish you the best in your healing journey together. Thanks for trusting us with your feelings even though it’s like climbing Everest. We’re right there with you. Own your shit. You’ve got this! 😊🤘🧡